Before you start reading my article further, let me tell you a truth. We are not the happiest couple. So I am not a relationship expert here. But what marriage and so much research on other couples has taught me so far is that marriage is a work. A constant, nerve wrecking, hard work. And certainly the most important one. And like any dedicated worker we work towards it everyday.
I have read a lot of articles on marriage that tell you to take time off each other, communicate well and give each other space. So , I am not going to tell you that. The habits that I am going to share are no magic tricks, neither they need you to take life altering routine changing decisions, they are just little adjustments and gestures that can keep the magic going.
- Sleep at the same time:
Remember the beginning of your relationship when you could not wait to go to bed together to cuddle up? Resist the temptation to hit the bed at different times. It is okay if one partner wakes up later for the things he has to do and the other sleeps through.
2. Make trust and forgiveness the mool-mantra:
I’ll confess I still have a long way to go in this department and a lot to learn from my husband. At times of disagreements or arguments, default to trusting and forgive rather than distrusting and begrudging.
3. Look out for common interests
After the passion of a new relationship goes away, it is good to have some common interests that you can settle down on. If you do not have anything in common, cultivate and develop it. Me and hubby are poles apart in personalities and our likes, but we can sit and watch reruns of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. any day and any time of the day. He has also developed a keen interest in relishing food and cooking, and I have started playing Tekken with him…though I still have to master the art of winning it.
4. Focus on the rights
It is easy to look out for things that your partner does wrong. But if you focus on finding what he does right, you can find something too. It all depends what you are looking for.
5. Do not underestimate the power of hugs
I make sure to put whatever I am doing aside and hug my husband the moment he enters the door after work. It sends a signal to your partner that he/she is more important than whatever you are doing. And we all know the power of physical touch. Nevertheless, even if it does not do much good, it surely won’t do any harm either.
6. Say “I Love YoU” and “Good Morning” everyday
The first moment you see your partner in the mornings, wish him/her good morning and all through the day look out for reasons you love him/HER. Say you love them and mean it.
7. Say goodnight
This communicates to your partner that regardless of how upset your with them(which we all are at some points in our marriage), you still want the relationship.
8. Weather check at least once
Call your partner at home/work at least once in the day to see how his/her day is going. This also helps in adjusting expectations when you see each other after work. I try to keep my patience in check when I am already aware that my partner is having a bad day and likewise hubby makes sure to get a plate of my favourite dimsums and a beer to cheer me up when the tables are turned.
9. Be proud to be seen together
Hold hands, have an affectionate contact, click pictures and smile at each other more often. No, it is not showing off but saying that you belong together.
10. Do not be miser in compliments
Tell your spouse at least once a day what you love about them.
11. Say thank you
You are both career people, very busy all the time. Make sure you thank your partner for the little efforts they put in to ease out your load. These efforts are easily taken for granted, but acknowledging them can give your partner the motivation to do more. So thank her for making your breakfast before you head to work and thank him for helping you with laundry.
12. Start the day right
Me and my husband take chances to bring the coffee in bed in the mornings. I make sure it’s our couple time alone. So during the day even if we do not get each others attention, we do have the morning coffee to connect. Spending those ten minutes together also helps me prepare better for the day and puts me in a brighter mood.
“To find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness.”